Big news

I have big news that I must share with you all. I hope you guys are periodically checking this site, since I do actually post my news here, like this bit. It is much easier to post news here than to email everyone, whether individually or collectively.

As of Sabbath, October 23, 2004 (about 2:20 PM), I have a new girlfriend. Her name is Yesenia (pronounced "Je-SEN-ee-uh"). She is Peruvian, but lives and works in Mexico. I met her there over the summer, while I was working there as an English teacher. We have been emailing ever since, and though she has been devoted to me, I have been debating entering a relationship with her since then. Finally, I have made my decision. Even though there are some factors that will be difficult to overcome (including culture and language, though I do speak pretty good Spanish), I have decided that she is the one for me.

I wish you as great a week as I'm having. :)

Thoughts on God's Will

I appreciate the comments I received on my last post. There is certainly truth in them. Since then, however, I have had a sort of epiphany/reminder. As my last post shows, I generally go with the accepted view of God's will, which has to do with there only being one truly "right" answer to a particular issue or decision, the brightest thread, and nothing else is God's will. But I keep forgetting something my Bible teacher in high school once told me, which I really like, and I believe it when I think about it. I was reminded of it again today when I was having a discussion about relationships with my favorite teacher on campus, one of the English teachers: I was telling him how I want to do God's will in my choices in relationships. He said, "I'm not saying this facetiously, but have you ever stopped to wonder if God really cares?" This made me think: I'm always so worried about what God's will is, but sometimes, when the choice isn't going to interfere with my salvation or my usefulness to God, maybe he leaves it up to us. He just says, "You can choose this, or you can choose that, and I'm with you either way." I really like that view of God's will. It seems more open and reasonable than some other ways I've heard it. My teacher also told me in our discussion today that God might say, "I don't want you to look for a sign from me, because then if it doesn't work out, you might wrongly blame me. I'm okay with it either way." That seems much more in tune with the idea that God gave us free will, and gave it so that we could use it. When we talk about free will, we often focus on only two options, right and wrong, and focus on the fact that free will gives us the option of doing what is wrong. This is an important aspect of free will, but obviously right and wrong are not the limitations of the options: there may be many right options and many wrong options, and free will was given for us to choose between those right options and avoid the wrong ones. We were meant to CHOOSE. So begging for a sign or something is like throwing my responsibility (and privilege) of choice and free will onto some sign, person, or ultimately God, which is not what He wants. Otherwise, why did He give it to us? That isn't to say that we shouldn't search to follow His guidance in the deeper matters, when we truly do not know what is right and wrong, or other possible scenarios, but in general questions in which there is no wrong answer, why don't we use what God gave us to use and choose?

Happy Sabbath

Vespers was really good tonight, but I couldn't pay attention very well because of distracting people all around me. I am going to try to never sit in the back of the sanctuary again, if I can help it. Too many distractions.

My favorite text for quite a while has been Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires," but I'm starting to think that even though that is a really cool promise, it is kind of selfish, because I tend to focus on the "getting" part. I think I should choose another one of the ones I really like. Any suggestions? What are your favorite verses? (Hint: this is where you comment, as I've been hoping you would all along.)

I wonder so often what God's will is for my life, especially in regard to relationships. Maybe I shouldn't focus so much on it, and focus more on my relationship with God and being the best person I can be (which will put me ahead in the other area besides), but it is a pretty important part of life, overall. Tonight, the speaker at Vespers talked all about when God is silent, just so we can wrestle with the question we have, and find the solution we need, which makes us stronger and better, as He desires. This was a very deep and powerful sermon, and spoke to me. I often feel God is too silent, but I need to remember that sometimes that is what I need. I am also reminded of a sermon I myself once preached about spiritual growth and God's will. I concluded that we often wait for the big project God has for us to be beamed into our mind, when in fact His will is all around us, in the little things we know we should do. If we do the first things, the things we are sure of, God will give us the next step. I still think that is true. At this moment, the thing I am sure I need to do is start to get to bed earlier, starting with tonight. :)

Today

I guess this is a combination between random thought and almost journal entry, but I have time and I feel like it, so it fits:

Today I have experienced one of the best days of my life. Not that anything mindblowing happened, but I have been truly blessed. This morning, I woke up after a fairly good night's sleep, and had an extended morning devotion that was exceptional. Usually in my worships, I tend to follow a particular pattern, but this morning, I just had a talk with God in my prayer journal and told Him how I wanted to be like a new Christian, and how I wanted Him to have control of my life. It was awesome, and I felt so connected to God.

Then I went to church at the Spanish Church, where I've decided to transfer my membership. I love it there. It is so friendly and open, plus it gives me a chance to practice my Spanish and be surrounded by it, something I've been missing since I came back from Mexico. I got there a little late (with a ride from my roommate, who was kind enough to give it to me), and the program was already started, though the sermon was still ahead. I got a good seat, up near the front, and really enjoyed the sermon. It was a blessing to me, all about how Joshua (Josué) was nervous when he took over the leadership from Moses, but God came to him and told him three times to be strong and valiant. The preacher focused on why God told him 3 times to be strong, and explained that God only repeats himself like that when it is very important. He used an illustration from Spanish, how when something is rather small, they call it poquito, but when it is extremely small, they call it poquitititito! Finally near the end, he emphasized how the promise that Joshua received is a promise to us as well. We should be strong and valiant in the face of everything, and if we are, God will do marvelous things in our lives also, just as He promised to Joshua. This reaffirmed my faith.

Then at lunch today, I was able to sit with two of my favorite professors (both English professors) and their families. That was both enjoyable and affirming.

Then this afternoon, a big group of us from my school went to the botanic gardens, but it wasn't just a walk in the park (so to speak), but there was a sort of lesson/Bible study added in, where someone would read something and talk about it. It was great. Very affirming of my beliefs, and making me want to be the kind of Christian she was describing.

So overall, today has been a wonderful day, one of the best.

To Ponder

To Ponder

By Thomas L. Cromwell

One day I happened to perform

a peccadillo minor

But hastened quickly to reform,

to thus become the finer

My conscience clear, I then returned

to business as I saw it

Convinced the sin I had abjured

would not come back to spot it

‘Twas short-lived, far as respites go:

the guilt next day was stronger

And pressing on my heart-strings so,

I could not bear it longer

This heavy weight upon my heart,

it gave me quite a beating;

I soon divined by thinker’s art

the cause: what I’d been eating

Thus any open, thoughtful mind

is forced to ask the question:

How many times has suicide

been caused by indigestion?

Truly, it is amazing how deeply we are absorbed in the absolutely trivial in life. How many people live a life that is actually worth living (not that I am questioning the value of human life: I am questioning the use people make of theirs), with an awareness of who they are, where they are going, where they have come from, and their reasons for their actions (self-awareness, in sum); and how many people are caught up in living life blindly, moment by moment, never raising their heads above the smog of the daily grind/drudge to actually take a look around them, reassess their priorities, and see what life is all about?

It is exactly like a quote I once heard from someone famous:

Life is what happens while you are doing something else.

I have found in my own life that there are only a few things which are truly important, and everything else is dispensable. It may be interesting or urgent (not the same as important!) or stressful or relaxing or a host of other adjectives, and many things are worth keeping in one's life that are not truly important, but those other things can come or go with no lasting or significant/serious effect. The few must be preserved for life to remain meaningful. These are ultimately a list of priorities, to put things back in perspective, revive one's self-awareness, and practice a life above the smog. My list (for now, in stream-of-thought order [NOT order of importance, though the first is most important]):

1. My walk with God, and all that goes with it. This gets as simple and practical as the fact that when I don't take time to have morning devotions, my day goes kaput; and as deep and meaningful as the absolute necessity of my belief in Christ and His ability to save.
   
2. Meaningful relationships with true friends and loved ones
3. Self-acceptance
4. Purpose/direction. This goes back to the Biblical quote: "Where there is no vision, the people perish." Proverbs 29:18.

At first it may have sounded like I was referring to physical objects or activities as being important, but when everything else is stripped away, the important things are inside.

I admit that I spend time in the smog, worrying about what people think of me and who likes whom and other trivial matters, but I, too, must continually recapture the vision, and choose again to live life above the smog.

Welcome

Dear family, friends, Romans, countrymen...oh nevermind. :-)

I have been convinced of the beauty of having a place to spill my general thoughts and news, so this is it. I don't know how often I'll have time or desire to do so (particularly time), but I'll try to do it at least once a century. So check back every once in a while, and comment if you like.

Quote from my roommate Robert: "People are so stupid." Agreed. Present company excepted, of course. ;D

In any case, welcome to my blog. Please enjoy.

Sincerely,
Expion